Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
