if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
