he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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