heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
