look no pants
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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