Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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