Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
