Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
