i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
