she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize