Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
