Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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