Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
