Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
