I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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