Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
