I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
