we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
