My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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