i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
