TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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