so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
