Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
