Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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