I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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