So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
