I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
