Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
