Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
