shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
vagina is talking i cant
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
