hotel room ftw
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
