So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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