Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
