Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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