She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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