Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
