I bet he comes in French.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
