Porn is love you can see.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
