Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
