Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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