I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
