Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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