We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize