i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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