your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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