If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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