K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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