No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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