I hate all girls vehemently.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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