You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
false alarm, still single
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
