god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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