in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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