I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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