Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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