Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
