I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize