Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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