she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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