btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
