i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
