I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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