you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
