I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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