Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
