So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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