So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This gyro tastes like lonliness
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
