can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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