that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
