whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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